I've been thinking way too much tonight....

I'm just waiting for some things to happen... I know they will happen...

I'm so happy....

I don't care.

Well I do care.

But  I wish I didn't care if he don't call at all or if he doesn't even send a message to ask if I'm still alive or whatever.

But I care.

Gosh.

Today I'm feeling like that all of sudden, I feel like this is fault of those love stories in the movies.

Why do they always end up happy? you know... always the girl gets the guy.

She's always the exception.

He always stops being a jerk or suddenly he realizes she's the one.

Or maybe in all the movie he's been afraid of being happy or not to be what everyone wants him to be and just for the first time he quits at being unhappy a coward and just... boom.

There it is....

The perfect ending.

Why those kind of things don't happen to the normal people? why those kind of things don't happen to me?.

I wish that...

Anyway, it feel better to say it *write it, you know what I mean*.

I will always say: thank you, thank you thank you!.

And of course.

I'll be fine.

This is just a phase.

I feel like that song of: I'm not in love... suddenly it fits me soooooo right. For the first time.... it does. The thing is, I wish the title was true, and could say without feeling guilty for lying: I'm not in love... for now, the denial of that song, will help me thru this!.

I will rescue myself....

I know I will.

Actually today I don't fell that much as the stupid lamb. But truth be told I did feel like the stupid lamb who fell in love with the lion... but this lion isn't masochistic because he didn't fell in love with me. You know, those things happens and it's totally valid in this life I have no regrets about anything. For the first time in my life I adventure myself in a rush of mystery and I fell really heartsick when he told me: If I could feel the same thing that you feel for me, I would tell you... but I don't.

*badoom badoom*

Yes, heart racing, tears about to come out, throat totally dry...

But I managed not to cry and talk normal.

I'm proud.

He's the greatest man I've ever known, he's wonderful... he's... yes. For now for me HE IS.

Anyway....

I'm going to get over this and maybe this time my heart was wrong to feel and believe he could feel the same way.... but tomorrow maybe I will be lucky and I will find love.

I would never lost faith.

Never....

I feel tired today. Its been a long week I hope to get rid of it soon specially because I feel blur about lot of things... specially things about the heart. I hate to feel like this. I know it will go away by itself that's all I just need time to settle some things with myself... everything is fine. Anyway, I'm tired most of all because I played a lot today haha... I love to go and play with my friends. They're cool, love them... really do. I hope we keep on doing this for a loooong loooong loooong time.

See ya

It may sound like bullshit but the truth is that I'm feeling really happy. I finally realize the importance of taking your own decisions in life and how that can impact in everything else. Definitely life is like a constellation or whatever it calls in english this therapies my mom follows. If I take the chance and make changes on my life I'll be finally able to conquer the kind of life and things I wanted for me all this time. Like finally taking courage to say: I want this and I'm worth this and now I'll fight to feel brave enough to achieve what I desire. I feel like that.

Also I have to say that I couldn't make all this without the help of my new angel, I hope someday he'll know how thankful I'm for having him in my life and for making so much things for me. Specially for giving me the courage to fight for what I am and what I want. Who I'm and become someday. I think I love you like a woman should love a men. I hope I could say this someday to you... for now, you are my angel that God send me to earth to help me trough all this. An excellent friend.

Anyway, I'll keep you informed about all this for know. Thins are settling down and I'm like I said before: PLENTY HAPPY.

While I'm waiting for my sista to end up her homework I found that it would be really good If I checked what was I up to in my journal and I discovered that I haven't post much like... in years! hahahaha (not that much but I bet you know what I mean). Anyway, I decided to give it a shot. And here I am.

What I've been up to since the last post? Well almost the same. Now with the fact that I'm finishing a master and that I'm pretty happy and proud and work is going pretty fine aswell aaaand guess what I might be in love. Even tho I may not know it but I least I have this feeling insideeeee hahahaha. Or sort of feeling... still don't know, in some ways I hope is not love because if it its, gosh I'm fucked up because he may not feel the same but if it is... well, its nice to know that I can still feel something really special for someone who´s not my BFF and family, etc.

And beside that. I was reading my lasts post. Wow, I believe I was kinda depressed I'm happy because I no longer feel like that. Actually in my work they call my Sunny because I wake up like if the sun rises upon my bed every morning hahahahahahaha. I supose that when my BFF put me Miss Sunshine like two years ago he wasn´t wrong to call me like that. Too bad he doesn´t call me like that anymore, he seems to like more to call me Nigga... hahahahaha. I love him, he's hilarious.

In other facts, seems like the old friends are always there. I passed by a few things last year that changed everything. I feel like brand new. Sooooo, let's live and learn and do it the best we can!.
 
I´ll try to post more often this is like the place where I can let out everything sometimes I feel I can't and it's a relief for me.

I don't are if no-one ever reads it.

See you soon!

OMG! hahaha... I'm so happy!.

I believe I finally get over that trauma of not reading my mangas and doramas...

I think I can start all over again.

Just wanted you to know that.

See ya!

Hahahaha... I guees I'm coming back to myself!

I was about time you know!

And the best of all is that maybe no-one noticed something was wrong with me. You know, sometimes is better not to have to tell that you feel like crap and maybe the reasons why you feel like that are so stupid that... well, you kinda feel ashamed to say whats wrong. I don't know if you ever felt like that.

Anyway, last night I just let everything came out. I was feeling kinda rejected and alone. I just cry and cry my heart out until I fell asleep. Today I woke up and I felt like new.... such a beautiful feeling! hahahaha.

I hope this was the end of this strange season of mine.

Now I can breath, talk, sing, dance... everything.

I believe I'm happy... In some sort fo way hahaha.

See ya in the next post =D.

I feel kinda tired today. I don't even know why if I shouldn't feel that way because I've been sleeping very well - I even accept that maybe I've been sleeping a bit much than the usual - but I just feel tired. I don't know if it is the situation I'm leading with... which: I haven't told you yet! hahaha...

You'll see, recently I finished my degree in International trade. Now I'm part of the unemployed people in this world. But I guess this is not what it's making me feel this way... you know it's like if I where just trown out to the real world and now I have to deal with the fact that nothing is going to be the same again.

I'm not a child anymore - even though I waited all along to be a grown up now that I have to be one I feel left out. My friends are not that close anymore... or maybe I'm just so concentrated in this stated that I'm pushing the away. Lately, I've been feeling strange and even if it seems kinda weird, I can't find the courage or  strength to tell my BFF what is wrong with me and for the first time I wish he/she could ask me what it's wrong with me... I guess I haven't change that much and it's only my idea and that's why he/she haven't realize that there is something wrong or unusual with me...

At the same time I feel relief that he/she hadn't notice this, because I don't want to explain what I feel...

Also, I feel kinda insecure about my BFF, maybe it's because of all this changes... he/she is still studying like normal. Specially him... hes meeting new friends and people. What if he finds someone or a bunch of people better than me and I don't know... I just pass to a second plane... gosh. I'm such a stupid. I should just stop this nonsenses haha.

Anyway, I still believe it's kinda stupid this feeling... I mean both feelings.

Maybe this is the only way I can let my feelings out. All alone and just let it out so things can take they're own shape and way... you know go with the flow and all that kind of stuff...

I feel kinda relief now hahaha... see ya =)

I guess I'm having some kind of trauma pre valentine's day hahaha... today I woke up and realize that I'm going to spend another year all alone... I mean alone about having a boyfriend or something like that. Because friends I have the best... and I don't know. I guess that makes me feel sad... today I've been thinking: Gosh I do really need a boyfriend?!. I don't know... maybe I do, maybe I don't.

Pufff... I just wanted to say it and feel better because I just don't feel like saying that to my friends or relatives or family because they're going to tell me that I'm crazy and that I should stop thinking stupid things... the thing is... it doesn't feel stupid for me... not at all.

Anyways, just passing by to write something. It's been a while since the last time! hahaha...

Bye bye.